Why do I feel compelled to blog?

Well, I guess it comes down to the following question, "Did God create me to be a Lake, or did he create me to be a River?" What’s the difference?

A Lake is, in essence, stagnant water. It “takes in” what God freely gives while doing little to share what it has received. Only those who come to it may share in its bounty. A river, on the other hand, traverses mountains, plains, forests, and valleys. It travels the countryside far and wide; it does not keep within itself what it has taken in.

The lake vs. river image is something I heard, or read, from my distant past. It appears I found the image compelling since I seek to apply it in a blog, a medium that is only some fifteen years old.

What holds me back from being more aggressive and open in offering my opinions, views and perspectives is my view of myself. I see myself more of a trickling stream than a flowing river. In my mind, I have too little to offer.

In my old age, I have come to realize that my fear of having too little to offer is, in truth, a fallacy. God made rivers of varying sizes and strengths, each for a different purpose. Regardless of how big or little we may be what's important is that we don’t just receive and amass for ourselves what God has given us; for even trickling streams are more than capable of refreshing and renewing.

Howard

If you have been following the PaLM website, you may have noticed that I am a reluctant blogger. I had started to blog when our website re-launched in Jan, 2013 and had been doing so for several months. I only stopped when our website hosting company upgraded their program in the middle of the year and crashed my blog page. The fact that my blog page had crashed gave me an excuse to stop writing. But, here I am at it again.

Dictionary.com defines blogging as "a website containing the writer's or group of writers' own experiences, observations, opinions, etc.". That wasn't what I was doing in my "lost" blogs. The blogs were mostly announcements of updates to our website. Rarely did they offer an opinion, make an observation or share an experience. But, they did give me the opportunity to claim that I had been blogging. In truth, what I claimed to be doing and what I had been doing did not square. Consequently, the lost blogs were not worth saving, and it's not what I want to do this second time around.

It's said that most people like to talk about themselves. That's not me. In fact, I am the polar opposite of that. Whenever I get into a conversation, especially if the other person is a stranger, I will invariably direct my questions to get the other person talking about him/herself or failing that, to talk about ANYTHING but me. I hate talking about myself, and I hate revealing the fact that I hate talking about myself. It is one of the reasons why I dislike blogging as much as I do; I find it too self-revealing.

I am a very private person who would rather keep his mouth shut and his thoughts to himself. At least that is how I like to think of myself despite how some of you might see me. I have never felt the need to tell the world what is on my mind. Yet, here I am blogging and exposing my innermost self to anyone and everyone. Is that not ironic? I fear exposing myself to the world when in reality, few voyagers of the internet will find this blog and even fewer will read it. Ultimately, this blog will be just another needle in the haystack, lost in the infinite expanse of the internet universe. So, what am I so afraid of?

I fear sharing my thoughts, opening myself up, revealing who I am. I prefer to remain silent and hidden in the shadows where I feel safe, comfortable, protected.  So, why blog? I guess it is because I feel compelled to do so. Why do I feel that way? I guess the answers to that question will have to wait for another installment.