Dictionary.com defines blogging as "a website containing the writer's or group of writers' own experiences, observations, opinions, etc.". That wasn't what I was doing in my "lost" blogs. The blogs were mostly announcements of updates to our website. Rarely did they offer an opinion, make an observation or share an experience. But, they did give me the opportunity to claim that I had been blogging. In truth, what I claimed to be doing and what I had been doing did not square. Consequently, the lost blogs were not worth saving, and it's not what I want to do this second time around.
It's said that most people like to talk about themselves. That's not me. In fact, I am the polar opposite of that. Whenever I get into a conversation, especially if the other person is a stranger, I will invariably direct my questions to get the other person talking about him/herself or failing that, to talk about ANYTHING but me. I hate talking about myself, and I hate revealing the fact that I hate talking about myself. It is one of the reasons why I dislike blogging as much as I do; I find it too self-revealing.
I am a very private person who would rather keep his mouth shut and his thoughts to himself. At least that is how I like to think of myself despite how some of you might see me. I have never felt the need to tell the world what is on my mind. Yet, here I am blogging and exposing my innermost self to anyone and everyone. Is that not ironic? I fear exposing myself to the world when in reality, few voyagers of the internet will find this blog and even fewer will read it. Ultimately, this blog will be just another needle in the haystack, lost in the infinite expanse of the internet universe. So, what am I so afraid of?
I fear sharing my thoughts, opening myself up, revealing who I am. I prefer to remain silent and hidden in the shadows where I feel safe, comfortable, protected. So, why blog? I guess it is because I feel compelled to do so. Why do I feel that way? I guess the answers to that question will have to wait for another installment.