eMusing Series: Doing Pastoral Work In The Big Apple

Part Three - Male leadership in the Asian-American Churches

Labor Day 2003 - John L. Ng © Copyright 2003

One common complaint young single women make to me as their pastor is about the shortage of eligible men in church. Statistically there are fewer male congregants. During the early months of our church plant, the ratio was three men to seven women. Later years, the ratio narrowed to four to six. Nothing odd. It is well known that there are more women than men in the American church. This imbalanced ratio is also true in Asian-American churches, both immigrant and English-speaking congregations.

There is another and more subtle nuance in this complaint. The question is really "why are there so few good men running around?" Three American films in the 1990's reflected this question: Fried Green Tomatoes, based on Fannie Flagg's novel, Waiting To Exhale, based on Terry McMillan's novel, and The Joy Luck Club, based on Amy Tan's novel. They affirm the enduring friendship between women. Although the women in these stories are racially different, all the stories have the same subtext. The subtext is also imbedded in recent novels like Bridget Jones' Diary and television programs like Sex And The City. These women lament the lack of good men in their lives. Most of the men portrayed are either abusive, neglectful, liars or cheaters. Often, they are weak and undependable.

Having been a pastor for more than twenty-five years, i have noticed a shortage of good men in Asian-American churches. Looking for a few good men to partner in church work, i find very few who are willing and capable. Other pastors groan with me. Like tall trees in the desert, good men are in limited supply. This phenomenon in the church seemingly is a reflection of American society.

The May 26, 2003 issue of BusinessWeek's cover article entitled "The New Gender Gap" notes that from grade school to graduate school, males are slowly falling behind the females. A typical high school class shows that the senior class president, the head of student government, the editor of the class yearbook, the editor of the school newspaper, the valedictorian and the salutatorian are usually girls. Today, there are more women than men in higher education. In some theological seminaries, women preparing for ministry outnumber men. Women earn more than 57% of all undergraduate degrees and 58% of all graduate degrees. Newsweek magazine reported in May 12 of this year that in every income bracket and racial group, a growing number of wives are making more money and are more successful than their husbands. In the past, men dominated medicine, law and the pastorate. Today, women are rapidly closing in on all three.

The men in Church seem to reflect the same trends. The Barna Research's 2001 report on gender differences concludes that women are usually more involved, and more committed than men in church. For example, there are more women who have a personal faith in Christ than men. More women pray regularly, desire a closer relationship with God and say that their faith is very important. About 70% of women surveyed describe themselves as "deeply spiritual" compared to only half of the men. Men are twice as likely to struggle with an addiction. More women attend worship on Sunday and Bible classes, participate in small groups and involve in church activities than men. In church life, women excel in almost every category.

In society and the church, the men seemingly have become the second gender. Not all agree why. Some say the feminist movement has changed the society's focus to empower the girls at the expense of the boys in school and at home. Some say because of the high divorce rates and absentee fathers who work away from home, sons are growing up without adequate role models. These causes are further complicated in the Asian community where men often struggle with identity and self-esteem. To be sure, reasons are many and complex.

My limited concern is what the churches can do in response to the needs of their men and their need for adequate male leadership. No doubt, the issues surrounding church leadership are thick with years of disagreements and misunderstandings. Issues like women in ministry and ministry autonomy of English-speaking leadership have fractured our disjointed dialogue. To be sure, the church cannot fix everything that is needful among Asian men. In fact, the church can do very little. Yet let me begin with a few unfinished thoughts to several people in the Asian-American churches:

To the immigrant senior pastors

There are few good men in church work maybe because there are few opportunities for them in church work. Often the second and third generation men are invisible in church because the senior pastor sees them always as "children." Meanwhile, many have become adults and professionals. I encourage the immigrant senior pastors to recognize them and their place in the church. Create opportunities for some of these men to participate in church leadership by giving them permission to make mistakes and fail often. The best way for them to grow is to give them opportunities to mature. Years ago, i lamented to an elder that many English-speaking leaders were treated like second-class members. The elder sighed, "the church takes its cue from the senior pastor. We may just have to wait for this generation of immigrant pastors to be home with the Lord before we can see changes in leadership." This elder is right. The senior pastors need to take the lead by giving a whole generation of potential leaders the opportunity to serve. The senior pastors need not to worry about losing their spiritual authority. Genuine authority is not in limited quantity. When authority is given to others, the senior pastor's authority does not diminish. In fact, it will be enhanced because his ministry is enlarged. On the other hand, I hope this elder is wrong - that this generation of immigrant pastors does not have to die before the next generation of leaders can lead.

To the immigrant church leaders

When Viktor Petrenko won the gold medal in figure skating at the 1992 Winter Olympic Games, he made a critical decision. He decided to wear an old skate on his right foot and a new skate on his left foot. Petrenko explained that the old skate was for control and the new skate was for strength. With both skates he was able to maintain better control and greater strength to his gold medal performance. That is a great analogy for church leadership. The immigrant church leaders need to appreciate the synergy between the old and the new. The older leaders maintain the vision. The younger leaders provide vitality and freshness to that original vision. Both are necessary. But being human that leaders are, there will always be tension between the old and the new. The former thinks the latter is a threat; the latter thinks the former is irrelevant. The greater the tension, the more difficult is their partnership. I strongly urge the immigrant church leaders to invite the next generation to sit along side them in church leadership. Allow them to have some of their ways and overlook most of their differences.

To the English-speaking pastor

Let me tell you about my pastor. He began his ministry with four or five boys in an immigrant church in New York Chinatown. Few outside the church knew of him because he went about his pastoral work with quiet anonymity. Lee had a compassion for mentoring young men. They hanged out in his apartment and talked with him about everything. He shared his ministries with them. He invited some to preach from his pulpit and teach in his classes. He stood along side them and taught them the desire and skills for ministry. By the time he retired 35 years later, Lee had discipled more than 25 professional pastors and missionaries and dozens of lay church leaders who are serving the church around the world. Lee's mentoring is a great model for pastoral work. There are so few good men in church perhaps because there are so few good pastors who are good mentors. I encourage every pastor to invest the time and make the effort to mentor those young men whom God has put under their care. Be a model to those who need to mentor and to those who need to be mentored.

To the English-speaking male leaders

Asian-American men are a strange breed whose unique issues are at once cultural and gender related. As mentioned above, many struggle with racial identity and low self-esteem. They are not sure of their place in society, the Asian community and the church. American gender roles and leadership models do not seem to fit. Talking to two Asian male friends recently reminded me an obvious fact. Only an Asian-American man can understand another Asian-American man. That is why i think the English-speaking male leaders have a responsibility to those many passive men in the church. One, these leaders have experienced what it means to grow up male in society and the church. Two, they have overcome similar cultural and gender issues these men are facing. Three, they understand best these men's needs and potentials. So i encourage the English-speaking leaders to take advantage of this unique rapport. Where ever they are and what ever they are doing, chose a few men and invest time, energy and words in them. Make them more responsible and reproducing in church work.

To the parents of second generation sons

The family has been the bulwark of Asian communities in America. Many Asians thrive well here because of family. Asian parents have made much sacrifice and given much to safeguard their children's future. No doubt, parents want to protect what they have provided. As a parent, i share in that sentiment. Yet, if our faith in God is genuine and our commitment to Christ's church is real, we have a parental responsibility to release our children, including our sons, to freely follow after God in their church involvement. Mothers should bless their sons to do church work; fathers should model for their sons by doing church work. Not all Asian parents are reluctant to release their children to the church. The parents' cultural values determine how they feel about their children in ministry, as professionals and volunteers. Like many Chinese parents, mine told me when i was young that i should go to church but don't get too involved. Here, i believe Chinese parents can learn from Korean parents. Many Korean parents share the same core value as Samuel's mother in the Old Testament. Her words to her husband about their son give all parents the needed courage: After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the Lord, and he will live there always. (I Samuel 1.22)

To the young men who do not like church rules

When a band of brothers asked if they could start a men's group in our newly planted church, I nudged them to sit down and work out a plan. They decided to sit down in a trendy bar, with drinks and cigars, to talk about church work. When that first men's meeting got back to me, i admonished their insensibility. One or two got upset and dropped out of church involvement. Church life has its downside. Like all places of human endeavors, a church has its convictions and rules. Anyone in church has to live by its rules. To drop out because we do not like rules is immature and impractical. Church life has its upside. It is self-authenticating and spiritually and socially fulfilling. We need to put a high value on church life. A few things to live by: find enough humility to see the church from the leaders' perspective; do not whine too much about what is wrong; realize the church is very imperfect partly because you are there; remember that much about the church is not about you; do not try to change what you do not understand; nurture close relationships with a few individuals and get involved with them in ministry. Your friendship and involvement will help you cope better with what you cannot change easily. How else will we live and become better people in church?

To the men sitting on their hands in the pews

Passivity has its reasons. Different Christians have different excuses why they get to church five minutes after worship begins and get out one minute after it ends. No matter what the church has to offer, there are those who will always stay away. Then there are those have been church damaged. Somewhere in their church life, they got hurt and decided enough is enough. Others are not connected because they are too shy, insecure or embarrassed. Some stay outside maybe because they feel like outsiders. For those who are content to be consumers, i have nothing to say. But i want to talk with those who are discontent in their passivity. To those who have been hurt, take the time to heal. The bigger the hurt the longer it will take. But if you let it, healing will come. Whatever we do, do not give up on the church. God is relentlessly committed to it and so should God's people. For those who feel inept and would rather do nothing than to fail, i say recognize that to fail is to be human. We will fail more often than we succeed. If something is worth doing, then it is worth failing for. How else can any one grow intellectually socially, relationally and spiritually?

To the women who are doing church work

The mere fact that the need for male leadership is recognized does not suggest for a moment that those women in ministry are unrecognized. On the contrary, how impoverished the Asian-American churches would be if it were not for those gifted women who are doing church work. I would be the first to admit that our church plant would not have been possible without the capable leadership of several women. Yet most Asian-American churches do not give women the same opportunities for church leadership as men. While painfully aware that women in ministry is a controversial issue in America, i also know that it is a non-issue in most churches around the world, including Asia. No doubt our church traditions and theological convictions influence our views regarding women in ministry. Convictions are so strong that denominations and churches have split over this issue. Let me offer a verbal bouquet to those women in ministry. As lonely it may be, there is a place for them in church leadership. In spite of adversities, persevere and make greater efforts to encourage the men to step up and work along side them.

It is painfully obvious that the church alone cannot do everything to fix what is broken in its male leadership. I hope these unfinished observations and thoughts would encourage more dialogues among the Asian church leaders. Whatever the church is doing, one thing it must do is to wrestle with the needs of its men and its need for male leadership.

Whenever my two good friends and i meet up in New York, we always celebrate our reunion with some good food and fellowship. The last time we ate together was in a fusion food restaurant. The latest trend in urban eateries is multi-cultural menus. A typical entrée may be a combination of Thai and French or Vietnamese and Peruvian cuisines. Eating in a global village like New York City, one can enjoy an infinite variety of food that fuses different ethnic tastes into one dish.

In this series' first article i mentioned that the Asian-American church model has emerged to reach the many English speaking Asian communities. Congregants of these churches are a mixture of Asian-Americans who share a similar American experience. In the last decade or two, these churches, although few in number, have provided an inviting environment where Asian-Americans can find a sense of belonging and acceptance as well as Christ Jesus. In the past few years, however, some of these Asian-American church pastors are having second thoughts. To do church work in a diverse place like New York, they think best to change their churches to multi-cultural. That is, they want to transform their church model to attract as many ethnic groups as possible. But i doubt that this change is advisable. We can enjoy fusion food but can we enjoy a fusion ministry with people of mixed ethnicities. The issue is not ethnicity but more cultural. It is not the color of our skin as much as the content of our cultural orientation. Can a multi-cultural congregation live, grow and have its being?

Should Asian-American Churches Become Multi-cultural Churches?

The whole world has come to New York. It has more than 400 ethnic neighborhoods. Each one is culturally rich and socially enriching, and each one is different. To be sure, this globalization has impacted the way the churches and their pastors do ministry in the city. In the 1990's two colleagues and i separately planted three Asian-American churches. After more than five years, these churches are doing relatively well. In fact, one of them has daughtered two other churches in other neighborhoods. When the three of us first began, we strived to make our church work uniquely inviting to Asian-Americans. We saw their great need and felt the best way to reach them was to provide a culturally sensitive and socially attractive environment for them to embrace God in Christ Jesus.

Recently, my two colleagues have a change of heart. Both feel that their ministry should change to reflect the city's ethnic diversity. They want to expand their church work beyond Asian-American to a multi-cultural congregation. One of them has barred his congregants from bringing Kim chi and other Korean food to church. He pointedly reminded his members that they are not a Korean church and insisted that they do much to make it "racial friendly." Over the summer, I read that several Asian-American churches elsewhere have also sought to make their congregations more multi-cultural.

When my two colleagues and i get together to eat and compare notes, our disagreement over this ministry approach has caused tension between us. I still believe strongly that to be effective in outreach the Asian-American churches should stay mono-ethnic. They wonder out loud too often whether i am a racist hiding behind my conviction. Feeling a bit defensive, i retreat to my study to rethink the validity of the Asian-American ministry model.

Perhaps a conversation with a student of mine best delineates the overarching issues in this debate. My student pastors a Latino working-class church in Hoboken, New Jersey. The church's neighborhood has been predominantly Latino. However, in past years, the neighborhood has gone through a sociological change. Because of the high rent in Manhattan, many young, non-Latino white, urban professionals have found their way to Hoboken where real estate is relatively cheaper. So what was once a working-class Latino community has evolved into an upper middle-class non-Latino white neighborhood. Meanwhile, the church is losing its members as they are wedged out of the area.

My student asks what his church should do. There are no simple or easy solutions. However, there are three fundamentally choices: one, the church stays where it is and hangs on to what it has; two, the church leaves to find a more advantageous pasture for Latino ministry elsewhere; three, the church changes its ministry focus to accommodate the non-Latino white middle-class professionals. None of the options are painless. If the church chooses to stay, sooner or later it will die of sociological strangulation. If it leaves to reestablish ministry elsewhere, the move is disruptive without any guarantee for success.

If the church seeks to reach out to its new neighbors, it will have to change every aspect of its present ministry to accommodate its potential newcomers. My student is not hopeful and says, "If we choose the third option, my people will not want to make that sacrifice." Then he asks, "Is this wrong?" To answer his question, there are several theological and sociological considerations.

Some Theological Considerations

First, let me say up front that wanting to do pastoral work in a mono-ethnic church does not have to be racially motivated. When my student asks if it is wrong for his church not wanting to accommodate its new neighbors, the implied wrongness is racism. He assumes that his congregants do not want to make the sacrificial changes because they do not want to reach out to those who are not like them. That may be a false assumption. Racism has to do with action or decision made solely based on race. His congregants' resistance to change may not be racially based.

When i was interviewed for a pastoral position years ago, my wife was not with me. One elder couple in that church tried several times to ask what race was my wife. Apparently, a previous candidate was not considered because his wife was Caucasian. More recently, i spoke at a family fellowship meeting. One mother asked what criterion had my wife and i instilled in our children to look for in a future spouse. I had a ready answer. When our children were younger, we had talked about looking for the three "C's." Their potential life-mate should be Christian, cultured and cute. After my response, that same mother insisted that we should have added another "C" to represent Chinese. Now i think that both the elder couple and this mother were racists because their decisions were solely based on race.

To be sure, cultural diversity enriches our lives. The mere enjoyment of fusion food is analogous of this richness. I believe cultural diversity is inherently part of God's created purpose to enrich our humanity. The Tower of Babel narrative in the first book of the Bible (Genesis 11) puts humanity's diverse cultures in perspective. We cannot assume that the story is a tragic consequence of divine judgment. It was God's created intention that the earth's peoples disburse themselves to fill the whole earth. When they resisted, God intervened and "scattered them abroad over the face of all the earth (verse 9). The Tower of Babel narrative explains how the peoples of the earth came to speak different languages in different cultures in spite of their common origin. It affirms our common humanity as God's creation and our rich cultural diversity in God's purpose (Bernard Anderson, "Unity and Diversity in God's Creation," Currents In Theology and Mission, April 1978, p.80)

In the last book of the Bible, St John sees a great multitude "from every tribe and tongue and people and nation" (Revelation 5.9) in worship of God. Toward the end of his vision, John also sees heaven as a great city of a diverse multitude (Revelation 21.1-3). These visions capture the eternal perspective that cultural diversity among God's peoples will remain a reality, even in heaven. As the peoples standing before God in prayer and worship, their social, cultural and linguistic distinctives are still identifiable and real. Even in their Christo-centric unity, God still meets his peoples in their cultural and social differences.

Cultural diversity is not a choice we make. It is a very real part of our humanity. We cannot run away from it or pretend that it is not there. We are inalienably bound to and by our cultural differences. Should the church be for or against cultural diversity? In some ways, that is a bad question. If something is beyond our prerogative, we cannot be for or against it. All we can do is to deal with it without compromising our theological integrity. A better question is how should the church respond to cultural diversity? My answer: In doing church work in a global village like New York, culture, not race, sets the context for ministry. To do church work well, we need to understand the nature and demands of cultural diversity. The church should accept our undeniable diversity and respond with social sensitivity and ministry sensibility.

Some Sociological Considerations

This notion that Asian-American churches should become multi-cultural has some sociological implications that cannot be overlooked. My student wonders whether his congregation is willing or able to manage the many severe ministry changes to accommodate its new neighbors. These changes have more to do with cultural values, social preferences and economic and education disparities.

For my student's church to be sensible and sensitive in ministry, there is a whole bag full of questions to consider: Can a working class congregation reach up effectively to an upper middle class community? Can two culturally different groups of diverse tastes in music, clothes, furniture, literature and preaching worship together? Can two socially different groups of diverse lifestyles live and play together? Can two philosophically different groups of diverse worldviews work together? When different groups come together, inevitably inter-ethnic relationships will be cultivated and nurtured. Are the congregants ready for these relationships? How will older parents feel when their children date and marry each other cross-ethnically? Can the church experience cohesiveness when so many differences are pulling them apart?

Every church has a sociological glue. It is that invisible cohesive that holds the congregation together. It is that shared cognitive orientation that gives everyone a sense of belonging and wholeness. As i wrote in the second article of this series, to find belonging and acceptance, all of us must find a sense of identity with the community in which we enjoy shared values and tastes. Without a sense of shared orientation, it would be nearly impossible for us to feel that we are part of a dynamic whole.

While serving my denomination, i visited many churches in various regions and talked with many pastors from different ethnic backgrounds. I found that almost all churches, regardless of regions or ethnicity, share their own cognitive orientation. Their congregants generally enjoy similar values, tastes and lifestyles. They feel that they belong because they share a similar philosophical window through which they view God, themselves and the world. Some churches may appear diverse to outsiders. But these churches are actually more cohesive beneath the external surface. Some of these congregations may be racially mixed, but they still share a common cultural and social orientation. I have been to a few congregations that are actually culturally and socially diverse. Although i have no codified evidence to confirm this observation, my impression is that these churches do not grow. The reason is simply that without a real cohesion, not too many people will find a sense of belonging and acceptance in these churches. Many may come and visit, but few will stay.

To be fair, i have to say that several multi-cultural churches are thriving well in New York City. However, they are more the exception than the norm. I strongly suspect that even in these apparent multi-cultural churches there is an unseen cohesive factor that is gluing them in a dynamic whole. In doing church work, this principle cannot be broken: The stronger the church's sociological cohesion, the greater is its opportunity for growth; the weaker the church's sociological cohesion, the lesser is its opportunity for growth.

Donald McGavran, the noted church growth researcher, observed that "conversion to the Christian faith is both a social decision as much as it is a theological decision." (Understanding Church Growth, 1970, p.215) When a person embraces Christ as God and Savior, it is a decision made in a context of people as well a decision made with personal theological conviction. To live, move and have our being as Christians, we have an innate need to experience cultural and social integrity. Just as we cannot worship freely in a church whose theology is different from ours, we also cannot live and work freely in a church whose shared cognitive orientation is different from ours.

When doing church work, I agree with McGavran's axiom: People like to become Christian without crossing cultural, social and linguistic barriers. The same rationale why many Asian-Americans cannot find belonging in traditional immigrant Asian churches also explains why most people will not find a good fit in multi-cultural churches. When churches want to reach people with the gospel effectively, they need to do it with social sensitivity and ministry sensibility. I still think that the Asian-American church model has both those values. It understands cohesion. It is probably the best ministry model to touch this generation of Asian-Americans because it provides an inviting environment where its kind of people can find belonging and acceptance as well as Christ Jesus.